I’m so nervous this school year …and I’m homeschooling

I look at their faces and they’re  happy. My kids are mostly happy, content, bored or bickering at times, but being kids. Yet I get nervous about what’s next, changes in routine, chores to get done, what to do. Sometimes being a mom is exhausting (and yes this is said, written and read often but true). I so often feel my kids happiness depends on me and now we are homeschooling and I have to be the one to “stop summer” teach, correct, bring the schedule and change our routine. 

I truthfully don’t want to do it! I’ve never liked school and a pandemic shift has plopped it right in my lap now for a second year! I am suddenly the same nervous girl I was at the end of summer in my own childhood, internalizing worry, sadness and dislike for summer freedoms coming to an end and school starting. And despite my preparations, quality curriculums, custom notebooks, mega manipulatives organized and ready to go, I’m nervous. 

Another truth is though, my kids don’t feel that way. Sure they’re not overly excited to start school routines again, but they aren’t cringing at the idea either. They see the books and supplies readily organized, we’ve talked about starting and what we’ll be doing, and neither child has burst into tears. They are ok, happy even, and not at all the nervous anti-school kid I was, perhaps because of what I’ve done, perhaps because we will do school together. 

I’m still nervous despite my above pep talk, but like everything else I’ll breath deep, hold on tight and jump in anyway, because in this season we are home, safe and loved, in this season we are together and that’s what makes it ok.