A year ago I had a huge cake in my fridge when the world shut down.

 I can remember my day on 3/13/20. It was filled with what I used to call usual errands, toddler naps, and packing boxes, readying for my son’s big bounce place birthday party the next day. I had no idea at the time what was coming, I hadn’t stocked up on groceries or toilet paper, and most notably, I had no idea picking up a giant chocolate birthday cake would be the last real errand I would do for a year. 

I can see my son’s excited Friday exit from the school bus that afternoon, and delight at the giant chocolate cake in our fridge for his party the next day. I can feel the relaxation and excitement in our house for the days of celebration ahead. 

I vividly remember the first text message poking holes in my party plans, and how I got a bit angry still dismissing them. Then I began to wonder if I should be concerned about this virus in China right now that’s been in the news. 

Then like rapid fire I remember getting the phone call recording from our school superintendent canceling schools, and a text from my dad that the governor just mandated a state school closure. Soon after more text messages from parents popped up on my phone.

I can still feel my chest tighten and panic wondering how to tell my son we are canceling his party. Still in denial I question the cake, what will I do with all that cake? It seems silly now but in the coming days I’d have no one to give any cake to. This giant cake would be a delicious reminder of what wasn’t. 

I remember handing the kids iPads and rushing upstairs to my husband’s office to discuss what was happening. We settled knowing what we should do. I can still taste how I hated  the idea of being responsible. 

I ache as I see my son playing iPad and telling him we have to cancel his 8th birthday party. The words still echo surreal; a virus is out of control and schools are being shut down. We can’t have a party the next day. He’s upset but concerned, rationally worried how the kids he was just with that day at school suddenly aren’t safe to be around, and I, still without answers, go into parent hyper mode making plans for later and talking up all the presents and cake we have. And we were ok for that night. 

In the next moments I began taking care of business, texting parents and calling the bounce place, canceling everything quickly and efficiently, not really knowing or understanding why. I recall myself residing we are all home and safe and this will pass. 

One year later, I have a much smaller amount of cake in my fridge. We have gifts and decorations galore around our house trying our very best to create a celebration. A small party is being planned and a video of family wishes being made. Remote wishes at the ready to celebrate another birthday. 

It’s not over. We are still home, safe and together. We’ve grown stronger, I hope.